"Katherine,
don't threaten me honey, you're way out of your league."
"Well
Barnes, I find your philantrophy awe inspiring." (J.R. to
Cliff Barnes)
J.R.:
"He bit me!"
Sue Ellen: "Who?"
J.R.: "Cliff Barnes, that rodent!"
Sue Ellen: "How did he bite you?"
J.R.: "With his teeth Sue Ellen, how do you think he's gonna
bite me?"
"Where the hell is that first aid kit!"
"Well
I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use
me like some stud-service!" (J.R. to Sue Ellen)
"Boy,
you're just one dumb ole cowboy, ain't you!?" (J.R. to Ray)
"Well
Ray, nice little place you got yourself here!" (From J.R.'
visit to jailed Ray)
"Like
my daddy alway's said: if you can't get in the front door, just
go around to the back."
"Well
you can't cross a bridge until it's built!" (J.R Ewing on
whether or not he would ever enter politics)
"Russel,
there are a few things that J.R. Ewing can't afford, but patience
is one of them!"
"Like
my daddy alway's said, where there's a way, there's a will."
JR:
"John, I want to see that will?"
John: "I can't. That would be betraying a trust."
JR: "And whatta you call cheatin' on your wife?"
"Anything
worth having is worth going for- all the way."
"Trusting
Barns is like trusting the cowette with the keys to the chicken
coup!"
"The
best news I'm ever gonna get from you is that you're out of my
life forever!"(J.R. to Barnes)
"Oh
Barnes, you just get dumber and dumber every day!"
"Say,
why don't you have that junior plastic surgeon you married design
you a new face: one without a mouth!" (J.R. to Lucy)
"Revenge
is the single most satisfying feeling in the world!"
"You're
becoming a pretty poor excuse for a wife." (J.R. to Cally)
"I
wouldn't give you the dust off my car!"
"Ray
never was comfortable eating with the family; we do use knives
and forks."
"A
conscience is like a boat or a car. If you feel you need one,
rent it." (J.R. Ewing to his lawyer and lover, Anita Smithfield)
"You
know, you and Cliff Barnes should start an oil company. You could
call it "Blind and Bland"!"(J.R. to Ray)
"No
I don't give a damn about your happiness!"(Ole J.R. to Pam)
"
It's about time that old baracuda got his come upance." (JR
to Bobby and Jock about Vaughan Leland)
"You
know,Sue Ellen,I do believe you're going ninety miles an hour
toward a nervous breakdown. We're going to have to do something
about your ravings."
"When
your holding a double barrel shotgun use both barrels."(J.R.
to Sly)
"Contracts
were made to be broken, honey, but a handshake is the law of God."
(J.R. Ewing to the daughter of an oil business associate)
"Lots
of men have tried to run roughshod over me you can visit them
in the cemetery!"( JR to the Dr. who had controlling stock
of Weststar)
"You're
becoming a pretty poor excuse for a wife." (J.R. to Cally)
"You
take another shot at my daddy, and I'm gonna knock of that nose
of yours 5 inches of the center!" (J.R. to that ole drunk)
"You
couldn't find any oil under the hood of my car if I gave you a
golden stick to do it!" (J.R. to that ole drunk)
"Well, I took care of that Englishman [Alex]; he ain't gonna
do no more business in the state of Texas!"
"The
day I start living by the rules my wife set for me will be the
one when Dallas Cowboys make it to the SuperBowl!"
"A
marriage is like a salad: the man has to know how to keep his
tomatoes on the top!"
"Never
interfere with a man who's correcting his wife!" (J.R. to
James)
"Never
underestimate the elderly!"
"Never
tell the truth when a good lie'll do!"
"I
come home for love and support, and all I get is a load of crap!"
(J.R. to Cally)
"All that matters is winnin'!"
"So,
you just remember who you're working for, keep a civil tongue
in your head, and try to answer my questions with a bit of civility!"(J.R.
to an engineer)
J.R.:
"Cryder, you just joined the crowd!"
Wilson Cryder: "What crowd!?"
J.R.: "The crowd of people who lived to regret crossing J.R.
Ewing."
"Oh
common Bob, a few dead ducks is all that there is to it!"
"Oh James, there is God after all, and right now He's smilling
at all J.R.!"
"We're just celebrating some recent developments!"(J.R.
at the Oil Baron's)
"The only thing that is screwed up in this office Barnes
is your head, which I would be more than happy to serve on a silver
platter if I weren't worried about my family getting food poisoning!"
"Well there you are. We were about to put up your furniture
for an auction... not that we would get one whole hell of a lot
for those garage-sale items of yours!"
"Mary
Lee, if you don't hurry, someone else is gonna get your street
corner!"
"That's
right honey, get on the Titanic while you still can!" (J.R.
to April when she was about to buy Weststar shares)
J.R.:
"You are going to the funeral of a man (Tommy McKay) who
tried to kill you!? Well, I'll tell you..."
Bob: "You may wanna show up to!"
J.R.: "Yea, some of my best deals were cut at funerals!"
"Look up the word cheap in a dictionary, and you'll see his
picture there!" (J.R. about Cliff Barnes)
"The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried
to stick it to ole J.R. Ewing!"
"By the way honey, your a little too old to be running around
without your clothes on." (JR to Mary Lee)
"Honey, if you wanna hear your answer, you gotta ask the
question at the right time; that's from J.R. Ewing's handbook!"
(J.R. to Cally)
"Hell
will freeze over before you work in these offices!" (J.R.
to Cliff upon learning he is a new partner in Ewing Oil)
"Cliff,
sharpen up your ice skates it's gonna be a long winter!"
"Drivers
like you tempt me to mount a machine-gun to the hood of my car!"
"I'll have to call you later, a tornado just blew in!"
"That's O.K. honey, Bobby doesn't have a capacity to forgive
and forget like I do. That's a shame, damn shame!"
"You
should go to sleep Sue Ellen, you know how haggard you look when
you don't get your full eight hours!?"
"Don't
be so glum Lucy; rich folks are always happy!"
"Go to bed Sue Ellen, there's nothing uglier than a woman
who can't handle her liquor!"
Fenton Washburn:"What would you like in your coffee Mr. Ewing?"
J.R.: "Bourbon!"
"First
that little British tramp, then Sue Elen... Clayton, you just
can't keep your zipper up, can you!" (J.R. to Clayton)
Harry McSween: "Heart attack is a serious thing. Hope Mr.
Farlow pulls through!"
J.R.: "If he does, he does; if he doesn't, he dies! Never
should've married my momma in the first place!"
"Don't
forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you;
and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends,
because your enemies will take care of themselves!"
"I'm sure Ray will be great in the ranching business momma;
he might even be able to tell one end of the horse from the other!"
"Aren't you supposed to be out there feeding cows or something!"(J.R.
to Ray)
"Don't worry about her; the good Lord has ways of looking
after drunks like her!"
"Always
keep your friends close, but your enemies closer!"
Barnes:"We
are related!"
J.R.: "We're not even the same specie Barnes!"
.JR.:
"Well, last night we went to the Oil Baron's and we ran into
that termite brother of yours!"
Pam: "Are you talking to me?"
J.R.: "Anyone else in here gotta termite for a brother ?"
"Well
Sue Ellen, where did you spend the night, in a brewery!?"
J.R."To
call Harv Smithfield. I want him to set up that test first thing
in the morning!"
Bob: "But it's one o'clock in the morning!?"
J.R.: "For what we're paying him, he oughtta be sleeping
on our front porch! ..."
"Sue Ellen, you're a drunk, a tramp, and an unfit mother."
Pamela:
"Digger is sick, and he's in the hospital" J.R.: "You
mean, he's drunk!?"
Sue
Ellen, you're not a wife, you're not a mother, and you sure as
hell are not a Ewing!"
"I
never forget those who do me a favor, and I never forget those
who don't!"
"...the dirtier, the better!"
