EPISODE 22

"Joy to the World:Part One "

Miss Ellie sat in deep thought; not only had she been away from home and her family for a good while but now she was on her way back to see her first great grandchild. She also had the burden of the secret she had discovered; knowing that Jock had another child was a huge thing to have discovered. Ellie knew as soon as Christmas was over she would have to find out what had happened to the child. As Tom drove the car towards the state of Texas, the motion of the vehicle began to make Ellie's tired eyes close. As she sat with her eyes shut she began to wonder what would have happened if Amanda had died whilst Jock was still alive.

When he had discovered about the baby would he have wanted to look for the child, bring the girl to Southfork and raise her has his own. Ellie had always had a small regret that she had never had a daughter, that's why she valued the years she had been able to help raise Lucy. But could she have raised another woman's child, especially if that woman had been Jock's first wife? The questions crowded Ellie's head as she slowly sank into sleep….

 

Ellie was trying to cope with the approach of Christmas. Yet it was turning out to be a moderately more difficult task the she had anticipated. What with all the work to do around Southfork, the presents to buy, the meals to prepare, the decorations to put up. It was the same every year trying to keep the boys under control whilst preparing for the family Christmas.

All though this Christmas she had bigger problems to think about. Greater worries than making sure Bobby didn't find his gifts and keeping JR and Gary from fighting and knocking over the tree. This year she had Cassandra to deal with. And now she had Jock to deal with, as well! He had come home and eagerly entered into the kitchen, stomping the snow from his cold feet and said in an excited voice, "Ellie, we're going to have a Christmas party this year for all our friends and family. It's time we introduced our ‘new' family to everyone.

Ellie knew what Jock was referring to. Ever since Amanda had died, and Jock in his guilt and grief had told Ellie of his first wife and of the child she had had, their lives had been nothing but turbulent. After the initial shock and anger that Ellie had felt over Jock's lies, she had finally calmed down and agreed when he had asked her to support him in his quest to find the child that had been put up for adoption. After several months Jock had found his child, a daughter no less and had brought her home to SouthFork. Ellie had hoped that she could learn to love the child but ever since the girl had arrived not only had Ellie seen Jock pull away from the boys, concentrating all his love and attention on the withdrawn little girl, but also every time Ellie looked at Cassie she was reminded of Jock's deception.

As she shook her head, Ellie noticed that Cassandra glanced quickly up from the corner where she was playing with a doll that Jock had brought home for her early in the week and only days before Christmas she hastened to add. Ellie drew Jock as far away from the girl as possible.

"I don't want a party," she said. "In fact I don't feel much like celebrating Christmas at all. A big party isn't going to make this family right, make it the kind of Christmas we used to have."

Jock's face set in lines that were becoming familiar.
"Ellie, we've got to do something. For the boys at least. Children set such a store by Christmas and it might as well not be happening this year, no carols, hell we haven't even got up the trees yet."

“For the boys! Ellie exclaimed. “I know exactly who this party is set to appease and it isn't your sons you are thinking of. You just want to show of your daughter and to hell with the rest of your family.”

“Ellie that's not fair. You told me to go looking for her. You said it was the right thing to do!”

“Well maybe I was wrong! What do I know after all? I certainly didn't know the man I was married to that's for sure.”

Jock sighed. “Ellie you need to put a stop to this at least over Christmas, for the children.”

"Don't you think I know? All those years of fixing things for JR, Gary and Bobby while you were out in the oil fields. I know all about kids and Christmas." She stopped and drew a deep breath, glancing over to see that Cassandra was occupied and not listening. "But I can't do those things for her. It's like a knife in my heart, fixing a tree and baking cookies and making things for—for another woman's child. The woman who my husband loved first and for all I know never stopped loving. What was I? Just what you settled for after Amanda had gone mad? What were our boys just a poor substitute for your first born?”

"Ellie, Ellie," Jock said softly. "It's been almost eight months now. She needs an extra-special Christmas to convince her that we love her and want her here. We need to show her that we can give her a better Christmas than the ones she had with her foster family.

She turned her back to his pleading face. Ellie knew that she was behaving badly. Cassandra had been living in a trailer park when Jock found her, uncared for by two alcoholic parents who had only gotten her in order to collect more state benefits. It was just that she couldn't stop herself, couldn't stop the pain she was feeling.

Jock touched her shoulder gently. "I know how hard it is for you, Ellie. But think of the girl.".

Think of the girl. Why should she think of her when she had her own children to look out for. She could see the pain in JR's eyes every time Jock picked up Cassie or brought her in another doll. And she had witnessed first hand how JR's frustrations were being vented out on the other two boys. Gary had had two bloody noses at the hands of his older brother already this week. And then there was poor little Bobby; he was still desperately trying to make friends with the little girl that had been thrust upon him. Yet still he couldn't seem to break Cassandra's shy exterior. It was heart breaking to try and make her youngest son understand why his new sister wouldn't play or talk to him.

Jock gripped Ellie's arm for a moment and then with tears in his eyes walked back out into the snowy weather. Ellie turned to watch him leave in time to see the sudden brief smile he flashed at his little girl as he walked by. The smile that should have caught her heart and opened it wide, to see the love and kindness inside the man that she loved but instead her heart was closed, locked tightly around the memory of a husband's lies and deceit, demolishing the happy memories that she had and the love she felt.

She hated herself for the way she felt and she was beginning hate Jock for the way he was making her feel. It was different for Jock. He had accepted Cassandra immediately as his own daughter and had enjoyed having the girl in his life. They had an exclusive relationship; Jock was the only one that Cassie would open up to. The relationship that they shared seemed to leave Ellie and the boys out. It made her wonder, when she could bear to think of it, what Jock's marriage was like it and how it compared to theirs. She didn't really resent Jock and Cassandra's relationship, as much as she resented what it stood for and how it affected her boys. If she was really honest, Ellie in her darkest moments, felt that Jock had grown to love the girl more than he did her.

Several days later, after a tense few days in which Ellie had stood her ground about the Christmas party, things finally came to a head. Ellie and the boys had been all alone all day as Jock had taken Cassie out to ”buy Christmas gifts”. Ellie had put the boys to bed early and now sat waiting. Jock and Cassandra walked in laughing together, only to sober up when they saw her, but not before one of those quick smiles from Cassandra, the smile she was never sure had actually been there it was gone so fast.

Sending Cassie upstairs to change for bed, Ellie finally let her emotions out to Jock.

"Seems as if you enjoy Cassandra's company more than you do mine these days."

Jock didn't look her quite squarely in the eye. "Cassie.” He said using the name he had taken for the girl. Jocks correction hung in the air for several moments. Jock continued. “That's not true Ellie."

"The two of you are laughing together all the time. You never laugh with me anymore."

His voice was quiet. "You don't seem to find much to laugh about lately."

It was true, of course. It just seemed as if all her laughter had died the day that Cassandra had arrived.

"I'm sorry, Jock," Ellie said. "I just can't seem to forget what you had with Amanda and how you lied to me. I know it's not the girl's fault that every time I look at her I see your deception. I've tried, we've all tried, but I just can't get close to that girl. She's always so serious around me. It's like she is afraid of me and it doesn't matter what I do.”

“Well maybe she senses your feelings towards her.” Jock replied.

“Maybe she does,” Ellie said suddenly feeling very defeated.

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