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Present“ God we really messed up didn't we.” Chris said following Becky's stare to John Ross's gravestone.
“I guess so but at the end of the day we all make our own destiny, and that's what John Ross did. Whatever we did or didn't do, we all ended up in the positions we are in today because of our own actions. If any one of us had done things differently then who knows were we would be today" Becky said.
“If I hadn't put up with John Ross's crap, If you hadn't tried to take me away from him, If I hadn't have slept with you whilst I was still married. If my dad and JR hadn't been such enemies, If your mum and dad hadn't married, If Jock had never met Digger. If, If, If, we are in a chain of events here that at any time could have changed had we acted in a different way. We live and die by the choices we make Chris.”
“Sometimes the person we are isn't always a choice though.”
“What do you mean? I chose to take drugs and rebel against everything and everyone. John Ross chose to follow in his dad's footsteps and you, well you were always the most honest and decent of us all weren't you” Becky half laughed.
“I don't know what you saw in a bitch like me. I bet you wish you had chosen somebody better then me to be your first.”
At SouthFork Becky sat in the barn with a bottle of wine drinking. Christopher walked in.
"I thought I'd find you here" he said
She looked up and over at him.
"Its sad being so darn predictable isn't it" she replied
Christopher sat next to her.
"What happened last night?" he asked her
Becky looked away "do you really care?" she asked.
Christopher nodded "Yes I do" he said seriously.
"Well right now I don't feel like talking. I feel like getting blind drink" she insisted.
"Well that may help for now, but then you have to sober up" Christopher replied.
Becky smiled "Do you always have to do the right thing. You know that's why sometimes you annoy the hell out of me. Doesn't it get boring?"
Christopher shook his head "Actually no, I like doing what I think is right, what's right for me. But saying that I do believe I have fun"
"Prove it" Becky smiled.
Christopher looked at her and raised his eyebrows.
"Ok Christopher, tonight I'm going to take you on an adventure" Becky laughed
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"You'll see" Becky stated taking a swig on her drink and smile d.
A bar in Dallas, Becky and Christopher sat in the crowded bar drinking bottled beer as the act on stage finished up to applause from the crowd. The Stetson wearing host for the amateur event took the stage.
"Now wasn't that great people, now next up we have ...." he paused and read a piece of paper " right next up we have a little lady from Braddock County and she's down here simply as Becky..........so put your hands together for this little Texas lady" the crowd applauded
"That's my cue" Becky smiled
"I can't believe your doing this" Christopher laughed
"Wish me luck" she said getting up and made her way through the crowd and took the stage.
The lights dimmed apart from a red beam from the ceiling spotlight. She stood holding the microphone as the band played the intro to the song. Christopher sat and watched as Becky began to sing. He sat watching in awe of her, her beauty on the stage, he was overwhelmed and sat wondering who this woman really was. She seemed to have so many sides and now he was witnessing a new one.
The song continues to play over the following scene.
B ecky and Christopher walked out of the bar, Becky jumped up holding the prize-winning money and waving it around.
"I can't believe this,” she said ecstatically
Christopher looked at her shaking his head and smiling.
"You were amazing. I mean you were really were" he said.
"Well I have my moments" she replied clapping her hands.
There was a silence as they looked at each other.
"John Ross is a fool,” Christopher said seriously
Becky looked away "I don't want to talk about him now"
Christopher smiled and pushed his wavy long fringe back from his face to reveal his stunning blue eyes.
"Who are you Becky? You never cease to amaze me? Are you that vulnerable girl I met so long ago on Southfork? Or perhaps the crazy Becky or the one angry one? But I think out of all of them I prefer the Becky you are tonight" he stated profoundly.
Becky stood silent for a moment "Well tonight, just tonight I can be anything you want. Just for tonight I want to forget about SouthFork and the rest of Ewing's. I don't want to stop feeling just as I do now. I just want to be with you."
They looked into each other eyes. Becky moved forward and as they looked into each other's eyes their lips met and they began a passionate embrace. Becky took his hand and led him around the side of the Bar. As she did she let go of the prize money, which blew away into the night sky.
Becky looked at Christopher to see if she could read what he was thinking.
“That night was perfect Becky and I will always treasure it and I wish things could have been different. But like you say we are all on a path that is determined by our actions.”
“Three was always a crowd and now, well,” Becky put her hand to her swollen belly “I guess some things don't change that much do they.”
“Becky I have something to tell you. It's something that I should have told you a long time ago but I couldn't, well didn't and it's time now. I just hope you don't hate me for it.”
Becky stared at Chris for a moment and then laughed.
“God Christopher you have really taken a flare for the dramatics since you've been in Europe or have you just been watching to much of The Bold and The Beautiful? Okay well let me guess, you are really a woman, no, no let me guess again you're really my long lost brother.”
Becky laughed again and looked a Chris with a quizzical look.
“Becky I'm erm, well I'm erm, gay.”
Becky looked at Chris and then laughed again, “Oh my God, we are here stood at my dead husbands graveside, me eight months pregnant and you are, well I don't know what you are trying to pull here. Are you trying to bring on my contractions? I bet JR paid you didn't he. I bet he's hid behind one of those trees watching and waiting to snatch the baby as soon as I go into labour. That's it he is going to snatch this little bastard as soon I pop it out and leave me here, right here in the middle of nowhere.”
“Becky really I am serious, I am gay, always have been. I was just to scared to tell anyone or do anything about it until now.”
“You're been serious right?” Becky said incredulously.
Chris nodded. Becky sat down on the graveside with her head down. Chris looked at her worried. Becky's body began to convulse and Chris took a step towards her and put his hand on her shoulder and knelt down towards her.
“I am so sorry.”
Becky looked up tears in her eyes and then let a howl…of laughter.
“Oh my God this is just the best. You have God to be kidding me; I mean you just couldn't make this up." She snorted with convulsions and then continued.
"I am sorry I don't mean to laugh but I mean come on. My life pretty much sucks and then you call and I think well here is Chris here to save the day, my knight in shining armour. And then instead of telling me you want me and me baby you tell me you are gay.”
Chris shook his head, “I am sorry Becky.”
“Don't be, I mean if you're gay you're gay. Lets face it all these years it was always John Ross wasn't it. You were just my back up, my safety guard to cling to when things went pear shaped with John Ross. I mean fuck, was it me that put you off women, because I was a real bitch. Even the night I took you virginity I was just so wasted, it was hardly the most memorable of events was it? No offence, not that I suppose you are that bothered about my opinion now, but it can hardly have made the earth move for you.".
Becky laughed again and stared at Chris with tears in her eyes. Of all of the scenarios that he had dreamed of this certainly wasn't one of them. He just looked at Becky not really knowing what to say.
“I am sorry this isn't really the most appropriate of reactions is it. Did you expect some tears or tantrums from me. I mean Chris I love you but lets face it we never really were suited were we. You were always to quiet and gentle for me. Now I know why, we were probably both after the same type, literally.”
Chris had to laugh at this and shook his head.
“So does this mean that you thought I was butch and that's why you followed me around all those years? If you weren't going to come out you thought at least you could be with some butch old broad?”
“Alright, enough already, I get it, you think it's funny. Here I am coming to let you down gently and not break your heart. Thinking that without John Ross you would have realised your real feelings for me." Chris paused and then laughed himself. "I guess I was a little egotistical of me.”
“Umm just a little bit," Becky said and they looked at each other. "Anyway don't worry about it, everyone is an arsehole who ultimately fucks you over. Welcome to the club! I'm thinking of becoming a hermit.
12 hours earlier
“I remember when I was 11 years old and sitting in front of the TV watching an episode of "60 Minutes." It was focusing on thewhole HIV/AIDS epidemic. They said something about gays, and it struck me like a 10-ton boulder. I remember hearing that word at school. Kids used to tease each other so carelessly by saying "that's so gay!" or "get away, gay fag!"“
Pamela winced at Chris's words but allowed him to continue.
“Truth be told, I also said those words at times. But I didn't know it applied to my sexuality. When I got into 6th grade, I realized that I was different, but not gay. I remember walking down the halls and seeing the football players making out with the most popular girls. I knew it didn't interest me, the guys holding hands with their girls, but at the same time I didn't really think or know of any alternative. I never saw any men holding hands or two guys enjoying a kiss. God at that time if any TV show had a gay character it was huge big thing, not like now. Plus in Dallas Texas well lets just say I didn't see any choice.”
Pamela listened silently consumed by the pain that her son must have felt all the years they had been apart.
Chris continued, “I always felt like I was different though, I went around acting the straightest I could. When I was with John Ross or my dad I would act like them, on the ranch, trying to be what I thought I should be. At school or parties I would stare at a beautiful girl for no reason other than to make myself look straight. And later I would feel liking crying, asking God why I was the way I was. I think that's why I use to blame you, if you hadn't left I could have told you and you could have made it all right. I suppose you were my scapegoat for a long time. Everything was your fault. That why I gave you such a hard time when you came back.. By then the entire gay "thing" was in focus, and I realized who I was. And I also knew I didn't want it. Plus I was already involved in my I my charade with Becky and it was already all consuming to me. I was very mixed up and then when you came back and I couldn't tell you, you were like a stranger. If anything things were worse and I felt so angry. If you couldn't change it, make it better then maybe no one could. it was too much for me to take. That's when I really became frantic to get Becky from John Ross, you see she was the only one who I thought could save me.”
“Maybe if I had been here all along it would have been different.” Pam said.
“Mum if you had or hadn't been here I would still have been gay. I except that know. Maybe I would have told you and things might have been better but the end result would have been the same. And you know what, I wouldn't want it any other way. I mean I hated what I thought was this burden that I had to carry, but well I am gay, that's all. I am not a paedophile or a serial killer, I am just gay. That's what changed whilst i was away. I could be myself without worrying about anyone who I loved judging me. I came out and well I love it, I felt free and happy for the first time.”
Pamela tried to smile but in her stomach she felt sick, what he was saying was making her think things she didn't want to think. The thought of her son with another man, well it wasn't something Pam wanted. But she knew that at this point she could loose Chris forever if she said or did the wrong thing. She had let him down once and she couldn't do that again. But the thought if it, Pamela felt a shiver run down her spine and hoped that Chris hadn't noticed.
“I just wishe that you hadn't got so involved with Becky and John Ross. I mean if you knew that it wasn't what you really wanted then surely you could have stayed away from them. All the trouble Christopher and for what?”
C hristopher stood outside wiping the blood from his face .
"Let me look at that" Pamela asked, wiping some blood from her sons face.
Christopher looked down.
"I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry,” he said in almost a whisper.
Pamela smiled "You need too sort this out, but right now you can't stay here"
Christopher nodded "I know that" he replied.
"Look my house is vacant, the family renting it have moved out, you can stay there" Pamela said stroking his hair.
Christopher nodded.
"I didn't expect it to get this crazy, I feel like I'm loosing my mind" he replied.
"It will work out, it will take time, but you won't be alone Christopher" Pamela explained
Christopher looked up.
"I'm coming with you, this is no time for you to be alone" Pamela insisted.
"No mom, you can't leave SouthFork because of this" Christopher replied.
"Let me decide that" Pamela said hugging her son.
“Well what happened, it wasn't all my fault my mom and I did love Becky in my own way.”
Pamela could feel her patience beginning to slip away.
“But if you are, are..”
“Gay mom, I am Gay.”
“Okay dam it I get the point. But if you are gay then why couldn't you have walked away Then you wouldn't got in to the fights with John Ross and you wouldn't have giving JR the ammunition to use against you and I when he found out about you and Becky. It all seems so pointless. I protected you, thinking that it was love that drove you to do what you did and now you are telling me this.”
“Mum, I can't change what has passed and I also don't think I am the only one to blame for what has happened. When all's said and done this is what has happened and this is who I am. We have all made mistakes in the past, you of all people should know that. And if you were honest I don't think it's really everything that has happened that is troubling you.”
Chris stood up angrily and began to leave the room.
“You're right, I don't' want you to be gay. I don't want you to be segregated by society; I don't want you to have to face discrimination. I don't want you to have to feel different. I want you to be happy and married to have a family and wife.”
“What like you and dad, or Sue Ellen and JR? I think I will take my chances, thanks all the same.
Chris turned his back again to leave.
“I still love you regardless" Pam said. "You are my son and whatever you are or are not. I support you and love you. Just, well, just give me a little bit of time to feel sad about this. What you are telling me means no grand children, no watching you marry. I know this may seem selfish but it's how I feel. This is a big shock to me and I am trying to say the right things, to understand..”
Chris turned to face Pam.
“You forgave me once for what I believe was the biggest mistake of my life” Pam said.
C hristopher stood as a light wind blew his hair back.
Pam walked out to him."Hi" Pam said.
Christopher turned to her, his eyes tearful.
"I could of killed her mom, when I saw what she was about to do......." he said quietly.
Pam grabbed his hands and looked at him seriously.
"You did what you had to do, you saved my life" Pam stated.
"I'm so sorry mom........ I was so angry with you, all those years I missed out not being with you" He said, Pam interrupted him and smiled.
"Christopher, I'm here for you, I'm here now,” she said emotionally.
Christopher hugged his mother tightly.
"I missed you mom, I missed you so much, " he said.
Pam hugged him, stroking the back of his head. "I missed you too,” she said quietly
“Don't walk out on me, give me time to understand all this. I promise I will be here for you, it's just, give me time.”
Chris walked back over and hugged her.
