Episode 13

Tears of a Clown

Sue Ellen felt the cold in her joints as the sun began to set; she made a very sorry figure knelt next to her son's grave, her hands and clothes covered in soil.

As she stood up, her legs faltered and she grasped the headstone to steady her self. If ever Sue Ellen had needed a drink this was the time. How easy to go to a bar and drown her sorrows, loose the pain in her chest, the mental images that plagued her every waking hours, the anger that was eating her alive. The drop in temperature, the lack of sleep and the fact the she hadn't eaten for hours swept over Sue Ellen's body and she found herself again crouched on the floor, her head and shoulders slumped over the grass underneath which her son's body was buried. Sue Ellen let out a piercing wail as once again her grief overpowered her. As silence prevailed and she lay breathing heavily exhausted by her body's outburst, Sue Ellen heard a voice which broke the silence, a voice so familiar that she could feel her heart breaking.

"Mamma."

Pam sat in the semi darkness of her living room with a box of photographs.

She had been engrossed in looking through the different images through the years for well over an hour and had been steadily working her way through a bottle of wine at the same time.

As Pamela perused through many pictures of herself, Bobby and Christopher, she felt a loneliness that was all too familiar. Bobby's words echoed in her mind and as she began to find pictures of Chris taken at the age he was when she had her accident, looking at a particular picture of Christopher dressed in a suit looking all grown up but still very innocent, she began to sob.

Taking hold of the bottle of wine, Pamela emptied the contents into her glass and taking a large mouthful, she began to caress the picture and sing a lullaby.

 

 

Becky sat watching some teen drama and flicked through a magazine.

There was still no word from her mother and she was becoming slightly agitated. Becky expected her mother's support and this no show was troubling to say the least. If this was her idea of encouragement and assistance, then God help her when the baby actually arrived. Becky put a hand to her stomach to see if she could feel any sign of the life inside. With John Ross's death and the aftermath of the funeral, she hadn't really had time to consider what it would be like to be a mum. Suddenly it all seemed real when she saw her baby on the screen at her doctor's appointment. Becky felt an apprehensive feeling in her stomach but at the same time she felt positive, almost hopeful. For so long, she had felt that she had lost her way, getting involved with John Ross and Christopher, not to mention the drugs and alcohol. However, for the first time in ages, she felt the innocent, optimistic girl begin to stir inside her. This baby was a new beginning for her and she intended to make the most of it. Now the only thing that was clouding her good karma was the absence of her folks, where the hell where they?

Afton stood over Cliff glowering and was ringing her hands together in an agitated manner.

"Why, Cliff, after all these years? Just after we have finally become happy, we were a family, why?"

"Afton I love you, I am sorry, I have no excuses. This was a moment of madness, it had nothing to do with you and us. It was just about my ego and weakness."

"Like hell it had nothing to do with us! Were you bored with me, did you think you would have a quick go with that whore to give you a boost?"

"This isn't the 80's, Cliff, people don't sleep around at the drop of a hat any more. And if you don't mind me saying, I think it's plain embarrassing, not to mention disgusting that a man of your age would humiliate himself with trying to sleep around with any woman who offers herself to you!"

Cliff bowed his head and began to move over towards Afton on his knees. Kneeling at her feet surrounded by the photographs of him and Anita, Cliff began to beg.

"Forgive me, we can make it work. You are everything to me. You and Becky are my life."

"You should have thought about that before. You came and chased me incessantly for years, you made yourself part of Becky's life and then just when I finally believed that you had changed and we could be happy, were happy, then this."

"I am sorry."

"Well sorry doesn't cut it. You disgust me."

With this, Afton could feel the inevitable tears begin to flow, so she turned her back to save her pride and stormed out of the office. Afton held herself together till she got into the elevator then she collapsed into tears and finally let the emotion of what had happened flow over her. As the elevator reached the ground floor, Afton tried to calm herself. As the door opened, Afton rushed out of the lift and passed through the reception area and out of the building. She never noticed the man standing next to the other elevator entrance. As JR watched Afton rush out of the building, he gave an evil smirk and stepped into the elevator and hit the button for Cliff's floor.

Sue Ellen turned and standing before her was her son John Ross Ewing III.

She tried to speak but her lips were dry and her throat felt constricted. Sue Ellen closed her eyes and opened them again, yet still the image of her son at 12 years old stood before her.

"John Ross."

"Hi Mama,"

"Oh my baby" Sue Ellen stared in to her son's eyes for what seemed an eternity. Kneeling in front of her son, she held out her hand to touch his face, to feel him and make sure that he was real.

"Why did you leave me? Why?" Sue Ellen mumbled as she touched her son's face.

"I didn't leave you . I am here, I'll always be here."

Sue Ellen began to cry as she felt his arms embrace her.

"I thought I had lost you for ever."

"I'm here , I've been with you all along."

"Why did you have to die John Ross"?

"We all have to die , and it was just my time.

"But I miss you so much, I cant live without you John Ross, it's too hard."

"You have to be strong Mama, people die so that those who are left value life more. You have to keep on living and live life to the full for me. I need you to keep my spirit alive through your life. I know what you have been thinking, but we will be together again in time but for now you need to keep going on with your life. And every time you smile, every time you feel happy, every time you think of me, know that I am looking down on you and are thinking of you also and are happy. Keep me alive through your thoughts and your kindness. Make me happy by being true to yourself and living life to the full as a good honest person."

Sue Ellen wept silently holding on to her son and for the first time in a long time she felt something resembling peace. Suddenly a voice shattered the silence and broke the spell.

"How very cosy!!"

The phone rang disturbing Pam from her semi hypnotic state. She stood unsteadily feeling the effect of the bottle of wine.

As she picked up the receiver Pam felt the room slightly sway and she held on to the side of the table to steady herself.

"Hello."

"Mum"

It was a bad connection but through the crackling and echoed feedback Pamela could just about distinguish the voice of her son.

"Chris, is that you?"

"Yes."

"How are you? Where are you? You checked out of the hotel days ago and left no contact number!"

"I have moved on, I think it's for the best if you don't know where I am for now. If you don't know my whereabouts then the police can't pressure you into telling them or punish you for with holding information. This is for the best Mum."

"No Christopher, I need you to keep in touch with me and let me know where you are. Damn the police, I got you out of the country to keep you safe, not to loose you."

Pamela's voice began to rise in panic at Christopher's words.

"Don't worry about me Mum. Send my love to Dad."

With these words the phone went dead and Pamela was left in silence. She held the receiver to her ears for a minute almost as if she was frozen then Pamela let out a scream and threw the telephone across the room.